I would like to start this blog in the words of the great Lil Scrappy ”OH KAY KAY KAY” this radio show, The XXX Page Project is whack. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. Quit playin, you haven’t. ARGH! This has been a disaster, one friday after another! But this week is show 4 or 5 or whatever. See??? I should know that. I just cringe at the idea of putting out entertainment whether it be web radio or porn that is not great or atleast meeting my standards. Nowwwwwwww I can tend to me a little hard on myself but thats only when I’m not being the best most perfect individual who ever existed. Ya know, just some reasonable self criticism that would break the psyche of even the strongest mind…so I guess, like Chris Angel MIND FREAK’s mind? He would be left in the fetal position sucking his thumb if he walked around with my mind for a day. Not because I am twisted and think weirdo shit,well not all the time but I may dabble through out the day, I mean, how does tubgirl get that stream so perfectly into her mouth and now that’s a Kraft cheese slice mask on her face or what? This constant demand of BETTER FASTER HADER STRONGER is quite taxing on the body and soul, let alone the mind. So I’m sure your thinking, “Courtney don’t be so hard on yourself!” AHHH, its easier said than done! I cant just stop or “take it easy” on myself because then what would my mind be occupied with? What thoughts would fill my head all day to replace the ones telling me to do this and to rethink that and maybe redo or edit that? That’s all I think about all day. Its like my brain is doing busy work all day to make sure I am constantly questioning EVERYTHING. Which is good in the sense that I don’t half ass anything, except cleaning…..
I hate to clean! I have hard wood floors and don’t own a single rug because I know I would sweep all my dirt underneath. Clean to me has been an “out of sight out of mind” type cleaning. If I just take all that junk and put it in a cabinet or cupboard and close it, usually force it closed, its clean! In high school when I had to start cleaning my own room myself the task seemed so daunting. So just like I learned how to get out of brushing my teeth before bed when I was a little kid (toothbrush under the faucet and put back) I found that if I just shoved everything under the bed, in dressers and the closet I could present a clean, seemingly organized living space to my mom when she would come check. But like the toothbrush thing, I was soon exposed of my “short cuts”. Cavities at every single dentist check up hurt my scheme….So now, what was ” Court clean your room” was now “Court clean your room, and don’t shove it all in the closet!” I mean, I feel I am getting off topic here but that room shit is why I am not the lady on Hoarders with the dead pets just lost among the muck. I was given structure to how I should be cleaning my room. Distraction is easier to fend of when I have a plan outlined. Stick to the plan and there isn’t much time to question myself because that section is done, on to the next and the next and then eventually it’s done. If that makes sense…..what I’m saying is second guessing yourself has its pros and cons, pro: I filter out the garbage ideas, con: I throw away some good ones. I think its my restlessness. I come up with this great show beginning of the week so when Friday rolls around I hate all that shit I created before, its stale, boring, to me.
I don’t want anymore “The XXX Page half-ass Project” unless its like some porn where I have such a big butt, I am half ass, half rest of my body…..hmm…..but LATER, COURTNEY!!! LATER!!!! First this. Obnoxious porn ideas after.
My show needs structure, an outline, or plan. Routine is an ADDer’s best friend. So this is how I will be presenting my show. WHO WHAT WHERE WHEN WHY. Five questions for me to work on five days a week. Monday is a WHO day. Tuesday is a WHAT day. Wednesday is a WHERE day. Thursday is WHEN day. Friday is WHY day. This way I have something to work on everyday and don’t have time to dissect what I came up yesterday because I have a whole day of dissecting a different word, question,topic, whatever. SHaring my answers to each on Friday.
So, for me this is my project, to see if I can start something and finish it. And for you, its entertaining, I hope.
Alright then, I am off to work on “WHAT” since it’s Tuesday.
Listen to The XXX Page Project at midnight on Friday
